Are you a Good Communicator?
Let’s admit it, we all want to be good communicators in one way or the other. However, not everyone can be good with this because of certain reasons. For one, the person himself might be an introvert who despises or “fears” the said gesture thus “a person of few words” or so named. Another might be that the person is actually a good speaker however, not a really good listener. Either way, these things can suck the life out of any conversations. According to Julian Treasure, who is a sound and communication expert, there are those he calls “leeches” that ruin the value of communication. In this blog, I’ll break down each and every one of them for you so, read on.
Leech # 1 Looking Good
It is most often portrayed using two simple words: “I know”. Imagine telling someone something he/she already knows and getting either a shrug or exactly this response. What would you feel? It might be okay for some people but this behavior is an absolute joy- kill.
Another one is what Julian called “speechwriting” which is the “anyway..” in every conversation. It’s a practice that screams: “Just keep talking, I’m not listening anyways. I’m concentrating on composing my next brilliant monologue.
And then there’s competitive speaking. For example, let’s say I rhapsodize, “I’m so excited to be going to Greece on holiday this year.” The competitive speaker will jump in with, “Oh yes, I’ve been to Greece six times and I love it!” What would you feel? Deflated right? Now everyone will want to listen to his /her story and your joy will only be second rate.
Leech # 2 Being Right
A classic example: Interrupting. And it makes sense. When we have a desire to prove a point or disagree on something and we want to impose this on others to feel justified and respected, we interrupt.And it can have some consequences as a result. It’s not always wrong though. However, it shouldn’t become a habit.
Leech # 3 People Pleasing
Humans as we are, we all desire to be liked by other people but the question is, up to what degree? People pleasers can have this habit of going along with opinions that they fundamentally disagree with just so people will like them, thus losing their speech of power along with honesty and authenticity. If you find yourself doing this, it might be time to think about your own values and principles.
Leech # 4 Fixing
This is all about trying to make everything all right. Personally, this is something I would do to block whatever unpleasant feeling I’m experiencing but truth be told, it actually doesn’t make me feel better. A fixer would respond primarily either by saying: “Don’t cry” or “Don’t be upset”. It is a leech because sometimes, people just need to air out their emotions and when your told to just suck everything up, it does more harm than good. You lose the right to feel human and eventually, lose trust on people.
So there you have it. Which among these leeches are you guilty of doing?
As for me, I’d be lying if I say I haven’t done this with other people especially to those I care about. I might have done it unconsciously or without any intention but I am guilty nonetheless.
So before you strike up another conversation with family, friends or even with your inner self, ask yourself this question first: AM I A GOOD COMMUNICATOR?